A Risky Bet

April 28th, 2022 by Kelly Kienzle

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It’s a risky bet to depend on others to validate your self-worth.

A Precarious Position

Sure, we all appreciate, strive for or perhaps crave feedback and assurance that we have done well.  Yet when we become dependent on hearing those encouraging, supportive words to know that we have done well, then we have put ourselves in a precarious position.

We have become dependent on others to notice, remember, verbalize and clearly tell us we have done well.  And that is a lot to ask of others.  I know that is a lot to ask of me.

And so it’s risky to rely on others to do all four of those steps (notice, remember, etc….) To be clear, hearing how well we have performed is important to ensure we are being helpful contributors to our team’s efforts.  Yet to rely on that input to know we are a valuable and good person is what can put us in a dangerous position.

Becoming Self-Reliant

Instead, how can we become self-reliant?  Specifically, how can we know our value without having to wait for others to tell us?  We can measure our worth and impact ourselves.  We can objectively and without judgment, sit down, ask ourselves some questions and assess our actions:

Did I do my best?

Did I listen and act with openness and grace?

Did I try to unify?

Be a Tortoise

In this way, we can be like a tortoise that carries their home with them.  We can always have the ability in ourselves to self-assure with just a few moments of thought and self-reflection.

And then, like the roulette ball happening to land on our bet, we can also enjoy any additional praise or validation that happens to come our way.  Rien ne va plus.