Passing Through the 4 Gates

March 24th, 2022 by Kelly Kienzle

As a leadership coach, people often ask me how they can motivate their teams.  They want to know how to speak so that their team is aligned on the mission and excited to execute on it.

I also speak with managers who wonder how to give feedback to colleagues who are struggling, checked-out or being divisive.

And everyone wants to learn how to encourage the “Eeyore” on the team to minimize their complaining and doomsday-speak.

Rumi Wisdom, updated

I recently came across this 4-part rubric (originally from Rumi, and modified by Chris Wahl, MCC) that can be useful in those and most any other situation.  The formula is this:

Before you speak, let your words pass through these 4 Gates:

Is it Truthful?

Is it Useful?

Is it Unifying?

Is it Kind?

Let’s take a closer look at each of those Gates…

Is it Truthful?

Are you speaking honestly about what you want this team to achieve?  Are you falling into exaggeration or hyperbole? Are you being transparent and complete in your feedback, including addressing even the toughest issue?  Personally, I often struggle to tell the whole truth, leaving out the thorniest parts of feedback.

Is it Useful?

Is your request or statement something that will push the team forward, not backward?  Can the action be taken?  Are you wholly focused on helping? I sometimes catch myself remarking (complaining) about someone else just to create a little Pity Party for myself – – which is not useful to anyone.

Is it Unifying?

Will your statement create a sense of community?  Do your words reflect that you are part of the issue too?  Do your words allow everyone to feel included and that they belong?  For me, I can make ungrounded assumptions that everyone else already feels like part of the team, and so I neglect to regularly remind people that they belong.

Is it Kind?

Is your tone the same as what you would use with a friend or innocent stranger?  Are you remembering that the person in front of you is another beautifully flawed and undoubtedly injured person in some way?  I often expect too much of people, forgetting that I cannot see all that is in their lives.  Yet when I do remember that I am seeing only a sliver, then it’s easier to be kind.

Experimenting

If you experiment with speaking this way, notice how much you slow down.  How much easier is it to give feedback when your words are both Truthful and Kind?  And how much more inspiring are your words when they are Useful and Unifying?  This is a rubric we all can use to move forward. I hope you find it helpful to you and your work.